V

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leaveI wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have.... All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me....

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

We all can be childish in matters of heart! The way he takes charge of his life thrills me! I want the power for myself. But whenever I see him around, I feel like an outsider desperately trying to get in. He has a big big heart..

He see's what the world does to me, and he promises to change the way they do. He promises he'll try. I love his mind and he loves mine. I have asked myselef this question a million times, but maybe yes, I lack somewhere that makes me lose on these wonderful souls around me. He maybe thinks I'm needy. But, isnt that what love is actually about? Giving yourself over to someone elses needs? Thats what i'm trying to do. But is he willing to do it for me? Perhaps, theres no answer to that. I dont think what i do is a sin. Hurting someone intentionally - thats a sin. Merely relishing it - a big sin! Maybe, I too will remain a frightened child of the past.

All i will want from him is to be mended, healed and made whole...

~ To betray you must first belong ~

Words from a stranger:

Dear Friend,

Putting up your mail here, just so that people can read it to understand you too :) Thanks for the kind words

Manali

A mail me received:

well...wht to start wth..bt today mistakenly i peeped into some1's innerself and guess wht i saw..thr is som1 who is atlst a better thinker and approchable thn this dark illusion!!well...a full lenght sketch of som1 has been portrayed...bt..its like a tangled lines..reluctant to gve a shape...a thought bt jst striving wthout knowing whr they r heading for...i really wud hav appreciated if i; represntng a whole slot of people, woudl hav taken wth a feelng tht they also exist...intangibly..if nt really....n thr is no pt to be confined in a shell bt to b a bit expressive sometimes..we talk bt relationshp/frndshp n all...bt still a bit skeptical bt ourslf...is this wt som1's says a helpless n unwinding feelng? naah...only a utter silence evrywhr provoking people to b comfrbtle whle expressing....i dont write things till the time i really dont feel them popping inside..i hav tried to write these lines to the extent tht only u wud b able to get wt i wanna say...bt billoo......keep smiling!!

I've seen the end, before it ever began..
The best part is that he wont break my heart.. I know.. He never will.. he can break a heart thats already broken.
People like me know to survive. I know when to kiss and i know when to kill. There isnt any point in living when what you can never do is feel life.

Now is when I actually start to feel.. friendships form, but relationship's happen!

What I See..

Life.. suprisingly untangled this time :)
its when my world came crashing down did I see that the universe was a better place to be in..!

Suddenly, life seems to be introducing an angel, in disguise of a taken soul! Whatever that may be, its the universe that i see ..

" Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we will redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance .... We end today a period of ill fortune, and India discovers herself again."

1947 - Jawaharlal Nehru

{get inspired}

Just when I thought I was making the most of what I had, reality hit me hard on my face. Perhaps I never used what I always had. I never used the inner strength that could actually move mountains. Today I know I still am a weakling..!

I kept thinking about my past, about the wonderful people who entered my life, and left me just at the right time. Are my regrets right that I should have never let them go? I miss them too much today. Every single moment that I see them happy, I feel, I should have been a part. Is it too late to get back?

Questions of the heart... remain unanswered!

The Suspense juz Poofed Up!

Giggle! There you go!
Finally, the page turned and the cold man spoke! For what i thought would be his answer to the million dollar question my 'hero' armed knight turned out to be a scarecrow! The man that he was, he found it a lil difficult to answer thus juz let himself be mute. Like me like me not, he just is a coward I tell myself today.
Once upon a time he was 'ma man', he never spoke but it was legal to dream abt him i thot. Da man that he is, he let me be dumb abt myself :) Aha! He neve spoke!

Yes Yes! This is a matrimonial proposal that went bad. The best part is, the girl aint at fault .. he DA MAN ;)

whispers and laughter..

tears and more..

Its Love!

The latest man in my life has been doing some wonderful adorable things for me. Its been indeed a fairy tale for me, as I first saw him on the 14th february, the much auspicious, Valentines day this year. I never chose him, but he did..

Its been beautiful since then.. I seem to remember every little thing that he does..

His first kiss, when he ended up leaving his marks on my ear.. His accidently tearning a part of my dress.. Sucha Man!

Its really amazing to watch him get all excited when he see's me walking into the room or calling out his name..

I love you Spartan! You prove it all.. at times, Dogs are much better than Men!

Thy Name ist woman..

“Where women are worshipped, gods reside”…..Rig Veda.
How idealistic! But today are we willing to be confined to the house? The answer is a big NO. don’t we want to establish our own identity?
In our staunchly patriarchal society, Manu, the lawgiver of the Hindus has said that a woman must always depend on man throughout her life. Since the man has been taking advantage of her dependence and has given her a status just slightly above that of a slave.
Man has always been said the ruler of the world. Why is that from the beginning humanity is male and woman are defined as a relative to man? she is never regarded as autonomous being. The blindfold on the statue of the goddess of law in some way represents the fact that justice has turned a blind eye towards woman. ‘It is the fundamental responsibility of woman to be wives, mothers and homemakers.’ This was the underlying assumption in a report on ‘status of women’ submitted by President Kennedy’s Commission.
The child gets the fathers name even though the mother plays the most important role in his life. Why is that when man is in conflict with women, the theme is existing inequality and is used as a justification for denying abstract equality. As Simone De Beauvoir said, “ womanhood is a social construct. One is not born, but becomes a woman.”
An unwed mother is a scandal and an illegitimate birth, a stigma on the child. Here too, she needs the sanction of the man. She cannot, rather is not allowed to take care of the child alone. The fathers name is a must or else she is made the target by the evil eyes of the society. The concept of chastity imposed on woman isn’t as straight forward as it seems. It is just the expression of mans insecurity.
In 1888, Elizabeth lady Stanton said, “this far, women have been the mere echoes of men. Our laws and constitutions, our creeds and codes and the customs of social life are all of masculine origin. The true woman is yet a dream of the future.” The dream has a long way to go.
Women not being allowed to vote till as late as 1928,not being allowed higher education even today in some states of India, a law on rape which humiliates woman more than helping her. Gender justice is still on the paper. We have to summon enough guts to stand up and practice. We need it.
I strongly believe that today’s woman is strong and nothing on earth can deter her from giving shape to her cherished dreams.
I think I’m very lucky to be a woman. There is a feeling of pride in my mind. I look at myself as a chameleon, someone who likes to do things differently. Changes the mood and adjusts according to the situation. And it’s not only me…every other woman is like me. nobody actually can understand a woman. So powerful..so beautiful!
She has always been there & she always will. Centuries of evolution have failed to wipe out her species, and with each generation increases her indispensability as the world gets smarter in Science & technology. They say, that come what may, her position in this world is one that can never get eradicated--and yet one that will never gain undue importance.
Why are we women compared to men? When we all know that a man would not survive if it wasn’t for us. On every walk of life men need support and women are like their back bone. The gulf between the sexes, the misunderstandings and the conflict is still there as it was when Adam first fell for Eve.
In our past generations life was so simple. Man was the head of the house, the sole bread winner and woman were often the pedestal in the house. a woman was confined to the kitchen and to take care of the children. She never rebelled. She did her job perfectly. And surprisingly when she got out of the house too, she was a winner.
Today it is a different scene. Women have realized their dreams and know what they actually want from their life. A woman was always considered as a child bearer, a nurturer and a nest defender. Men were the protectors, providers and the problem solvers. But women have proved that they can be the best at whichever job assigned. Women have freed themselves from the kitchen sink. Today we see women in almost all fields.
May it be sports or politics, Bollywood to Hollywood...she’s done it all. And the best part is that she is successful. Even though time and again she has proved herself yet in some parts of the world, women are considered less then men.
But yet…the society has changed. daughters are capable, even though not more than sons, earning their own incomes, not dependent on their husbands, taking care of their parents in their old age and even doing their last rites.

Fashion Industry for Men

Sir Henry David Thoreau once stated, “Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new!” A philosopher and naturalist, he wasn’t slightly associated with the glamorous and bewitching fashion industry. But as I may put it, drinking wine may not be something that I do, but holding the glass makes me feel rich!

With the changing times, the demands and the style statement of the humans have undergone some significant changes. Women seem to have been the predominant choice for the cover-page of the stylish fashion magazines. But, ‘Man’ the social animal has now caught up with the ‘look good – feel good’ line up. Surveys point out to the fact that men still do not feel that they are given any sort of importance by the fashion industry at all.

It’s not about how you look but it’s about how you feel would be the verdict of the man who is an ardent follower of fashion.

However the ultimate question that remains is ‘what does a man expect from the Fashion Industry’ overall? Is it just about clothing? The metro-sexual man is here to answer these questions.

Staying fit and possessing the six packs is maybe one of the most essential wants of the new man. And once you have the body, the industry seems to just add the glitter by the ‘oh so sexy’ body fitting tee’s and shirts. Age is just not a barrier anymore. It’s the ’18 till I die’ roll that works for them. Proper gyming and dieting works out well for the fashionable and stylish males. There was a time when there weren’t many choices for men in fashion. Formal trousers to the Khaki’s and Quadroys... it’s been a long way overall for the males to feel comfy in any attire.

All this, in floral prints and velvet touch was once considered for the men with the feminine side. But now, these prints are designed in ways that look impressive on the males. Fashion is not only restricted to the clothing, but with It comes the right accessories, bags, watches and shoes. The industry with its latest styles and colors for men has indeed been a boon for many.

The Fashion Industry for Men helps men gain confidence. Looking good, wearing the right kind of accessories with the clothes to go with only enhance the personality of the male. Fashion is here to stay!

Comparisons and more! Life's never straight. Its 1.45 am and i'm tired of the thoughts of losing weight! After dedicating two full years to web creative content the only thing in shape are my fingers. Regular excercise on the keyboard and enough 5 hours sleep. What more can they ask for?

Coming back to the comparison part of it.. I compared my self to Benazir Bhutto the other day. She had an amazing life. Daring, strong and beautiful.. a few words for the truly beloved of the democratics! I compared my self to her.. I'm daring, strong and maybe possess somewhat passable beauty.. That would make me smile a bit. Its just normal to compare oneself with the best and the gone.. Makes you feel like out of the movies.. Life.. Takes me on..

Point to remember - It wasnt long that I compared my self to Marilyn Monroe..

Goa - My Home!

Visiting your Native place is like being at home. Thus, visiting Goa wasn’t any different. The land of the unspoken mysteries, beaches, parties and also the dwelling for the gods, Goa has been a paradise for the most of us. With a promise to my friends, to bring them some souvenirs from the land of beauty and food, I packed my bags to once again visit the beautiful Goa, or earlier known as Gomantak.
May it be the sun kissed beaches, or the temples; Goa definitely stands apart than any other Indian state. Boarding the late night train to Goa, I was all set to release my stress. The mystic sight of the Dudhsagar falls, which are the 227th waterfall in the world, and apparently India’s largest; which also connect Goa and Karnataka, stood tall to welcome us. Such a sight is nothing but a convincing factor of the beauty of our natural treasure. The lifeline of Goa, the Mandovi River, was my companion as we entered the state. The chatter in the native language Konkani bought a smile to my face. The state is also known as the Pearl of the Orient. The Portuguese have been the rulers of the past for the territory and the famous architectural churches like the Basilica of Bom Jesus in Old Goa, which is also now tagged as the world heritage monument or the Chapel and Tomb of St. Francis Xavier which is of historical importance speak of their rule. But may it be the beaches, churches or the temples; the seafood too has its share in promoting the true essence of Goa.
I found certain peace and solace at the Shri Shantadurga and the Mangeshi temples which are on close proximity from the Ponda city. One thing that sets Goa apart from the rest of the states is that, there are more than 500 temples in this tiny state. The festivals such as Nagpanchmi, Shigmotsav, and Christmas etc have been celebrated with great pomp by the natives.
Between visiting cousins and relatives, I couldn’t help but invade the markets in Goa which were thronged with the fishermen, vendors and people like me wanting to carry home a souvenir. Vasco and Margao have been known as the main centers for commercial trades. No luck in the markets, I decided to go on to the beaches, where I was sure to find something. The Miramar beach and the Dona Paula located in Panjim, the capital city of Goa, took my breath away. The Fort Aguada which speaks about the Portuguese history and the rule was my next destination.
Rich Sea Food served in the various hotels in Goa is simply incomparable. Tasty Saraswat fish curries and the fried fish have been famous far and wide. Fish, curry and rice form the staple for the natives of the state. Relishing over the delicacies is just what completes a perfect holiday in Goa. With coconut in almost all the fish curries and chili hot, spicy, and pungent taste of the other delicacies. The Hindus, Muslims and the Christians form the essential backbone of unity in diversity of the State. Although I didn’t get to shop any gifts for my friends, what I did carry back with me were the many memories of a land truly mesmerizing.