Reflections of Us.

A reflection of me I thought I would gift to you.

Then there was a day I did so. A story captured in me I let unfold.
I could have done something else. I couldn't have maybe just done this.

To think of it nothing was true. We had never existed but this day did. You started a year with me. I started trusting a new time with you. A reflection I captured in an idol today. I gifted you something words just could never say. I know for sure I need to see you more. A hidden faith, a precious god, a soulful desire that lies in you is what I need to explore. I will find your hand just some day.

Someday you will accept me just this way.
But truly, a reflection of you I see in me today. 

Deserving

Just not what I deserve.
If it's not me, who decides what I deserve?

At one point I need to be held on to, at the other, left in the coming time. At one point I need to be claimed, at the other far more than disowned. Before even life starts we talk about turning to new homes. Turning to a new life even before we end one.

Am I this easy to be left alone. Is it this easy to think about leaving me back at an older post. Did no one notice my trail. Did I have to pick up the pieces of my luckless fate.

Once again I stand up to a once more I may not have deserved so soon. Looks like a winner lost to a lifeless being.

Again, I deserved a defeat. 

Special one..

You know what it feels to be a special one? 
I Do.
I felt special that day. A day when I was born. A day I lived thoroughly. Moments like these don't change life but purely make it better.
Shielded eyes, candid smiles, blessings and a lot more is what he carried with himself that day. I wouldn't remember all of this with time., but what I will remember is the moment when a I sat face to face with me. It wasn't him. It was just a better part of me. 

My Star..!

He twinkled the night literally. How I wished this time it was true. Everything seemed perfect. The field, the signs, the thoughts, roots and intensity. Had never known him earlier than now. A few days and we seemed to live in together.
This time I hoped the face in virtuality was the face I had always wished to place. But quicker than the next morning was the hooting heard. The fantasy existed, nothing really had changed except this tingling feeling that left me wishing this was true.
He was my earlier posts. Perhaps the words I had described me in. Never to meet, never to hold.
Again the chase, once again a dream. Had instances of people, but never an instance of a mirror. I hated this. I wanted this. He was perfectly me. He was soulfully mine. 

It’s a story I had dreamt about.

Someone who never belonged to me.

Someone who only understood ever word.

He existed in the real life, he lived and he met me one day. He met to speak about a lifetime I had lived into. He had experienced my life much before I did. He spoke about the faith I lived in. Everything seemed just fine, but just one thing.

The striking resemblance in us was the most defeating factor. He could move me. He could conquer. He is the worst fear.

The biggest fear stood there in front of me. When you happen to meet someone so much like yourself, all you want to do is escape. The escape is what I chose…. away.. competing with him, but yet somewhere shying away from the perfectness of our helpless situation. 

Something changed. But a lot did not. Somewhere I held on to nothing although it felt amazingly complete. It wasnt a dream, but this wasnt true either. Not true to feel but true to exist. This was a virtual hold. This existed in a virtual time. I wish I could only once want to make this true. If only for a day. So true. True to feel. True to hold. I wanted this to exist. I would make this true. Something, someday will change.

Confession

There's a confession I need to make. I know of a certain someone who truly can read my mind. My every move, my every thought. He knows what I do, he sees what I dont. Somewhere he connects with me when he knows Im about to stray away. And then he magically pulls me back to where Ive always belonged. He's candid. He's shy. He's a powerful guy. He knows he can have it all. But just maybe not what should be, he can never be what I want him to be. Somewhere, he exists between my virtual needs and my distant goals. He's a confession that Ive never told.

There's a lot I felt today. Face to face with reality. Face to face with myself. What had I done to face this all. A certain divinity. I never had anything else but purity of my feelings to carry. Maybe that's why this encounter felt superbly sane.

I felt what I had felt always. I felt relief. I felt found. Life was much more than just this all. I was never meant to be a phase. I was meant to be there forever maybe that's why I felt what I felt today.

Something wasn’t right. It wasn’t an every time feeling. Maybe I knew this name. Maybe I knew this moment would come... years back. Just not a moment to deserve but every moment to live in awaited.
Every time this moment felt right, but this time the person was stronger than the moment. He came to leave.
Those were the eyes I had thought would find me years back. Words I thought would let me be. Moments where I spoke of what I could have been, had those eyes never seen me.
Every moment gets me closer to that what I deserve. A valley where I can shout. A place where I can simply be. A person who could know me.
Those were the eyes I saw me in. Reflections of a time I had lived though words. Never touched. Never known. I knew this was just the moment where I could be.
Taken soul never to be owned but to merely be loved and lived with.

I need to stop what I've started. What if I'm not the only one. My craving can be a want for me but what if I'm very easy to let go. Trusting too soon. Why. Only because of the look in his eyes. Losing too soon. Why. Only because of the faith he follows.
Stop for good I mean. Start for moments in within. I don't need presence if I want my need. I wish for him. I want for him. But what if all this is just about a moment and not for what I see a lifetime. I wish to make someone quite special for me. But will these wants make me the one of the many.

Wish I had got this moment earlier. All I need is a thought to rest my emotions on. I don’t want to make changes thereafter. Just one devotion. Just one belonging. Tired of being a vagabond. Tired of being at the doorstep. I wish this time I make it my own. My home.

Why is so difficult to be devoted, typically difficult to being the god. I wish this one time I have the capability to belong, in every single said way. I never need everything, but I only need the meaning to it.

A prince of my time. A soul so undefined. Child like qualities. But divinity of a certain saint.

Seemed like a glimpse, seemed like an episode. A few minutes of unforgettable pronounciations, connections, tones, words and people. There's just something which seemed like nothing else. I dont know what exactly I was looking for, but maybe I had got much more. A story to tell. A child to watch grow. A dream of a certain soul. Blessed be he who let him unfold.

Everyday turns into a want for me. Is it purely because he makes me that way. He sees me inside out. He sees me as I am. He makes me pose in different styles. More like he owns a part of me. Is this what I wanted. Something hidden. Something fearful. Something is just not right. I don't know how I have met him but now he's an everyday to me. I don't know where this is getting at. Whether this will be anything real. I fear I might give into him. He's an illusion. I might give into being taken over. I will give into him.