With time, a lot of uncertainities change. You trust, you love and you are happy to live. But with time, you also stand a chance to ask one question, "What if I never make the difference".
Such is the question I asked myself, will I ever stand out to make a difference. To him, to me and to us.
The few minutes and hours we spend apart without talking suddenly make the difference. Nothing changes if we dont talk as yet. He breathes he lives.. I breathe, but I live the difference.

Something changed. Is he the change, or maybe is Me the change.

Time shall tell.

My time, my faith.

A ruler, a lover, and more so a dominant emotion. That is him. Moments have died earlier but I’ve never heard them scream. I’m sketching a new outline, and I laughed when I did. This time I’m sure.

We'll make some memories and maybe a dream or two… who knows they can come true. I won't ever forget his words; I'll know I will love him for all his worth. Someday he will say he will marry me.

I won’t hesitate no more, I know for sure. This is my fate. I belong to him.

I will wait.

To a new life, to a new love.

Somehow I knew life dint have to end where I thought it would. A beautiful soul and a fearless warrior. He held my heart and showed me the way. He was a taken soul. Never to be mine, but yet holding my hand like himself.
There was passion in his voice, there was trepidation in his eye, he was the happiest and yet so cheerless. It was wonderful talking to a man who had seen the rains, who knew what he spoke and even more, dint hesitate his failures.
It’s a wonder how the life of many revolves around what they call a dream they want to pursue. Breaking off the shackles of the normal life that the others lead, some dare to take that second chance which gives them a much stronger platform to hit back at life.
It was my first meeting with him. Made me think, that sometimes the strongest of men have a tougher yet a gentle side which is worth a million thoughts. I had come across a warrior of his times. A gentleman that he was, he explained that life doesn’t necessarily treat you right, but sometimes the right is in the wrongs that you do. With an amazing and positive approach towards life, he exampled what possibly life can have in store for those who hold the grit to face every situation in life. The most dangerous situation that perhaps one should avoid is when your heart controls the mind.

Would he ever know how much I missed looking into his eyes right now? Never.

Once again, I rewind to what I left unattended.

Why does it so happen that when we leave, it's often looked at as defeat. Years of memories, many more of loss. When I try to gather what I got when I took a step out of my world, all I could feel was hidden thoughts of negation and mistakes that were felt by people who mattered the most.

Why could not I see what I see today. Not one to stand by me to say "Yes, Now Its Your Turn." I never wanted to prove, but Ive been challenged by my own self to do so. Why did I try to own something that was never mine and perhaps that could never have been mine.

I agree I have been defeated, but I have not been captured.

I shall rise.

Dear Pigeon,

You fluttered even before I could talk in person.

I thought it was you the other day dear pigeon. Which is simply the reason why I tried every way to get you back. Wonder when I saw you, why did I have to feel that it was you.
Youve been very special to me. Maybe coz u fly away every morning, thats the reason why I find you closer. I promise dear pigeon, I will never tie you down or cage you. But you really need to stay.

I know it wasnt you the other night, but now I know it was you I was looking for.

And now, you will never flutter away...

Its kinda hard with you not around, Know your in heaven smiling down.

Watching us while we pray for you, Every day we pray for you.

Till the day we meet again, In my heart is where I'll keep you friend.

Memories give me the strength I need, to proceed Strength I need

Wish I could turn back the hands of time,

I still can't believe you're gone, Give anything to hear half your breath

I know you still living you're life, after death...

Miss ya Ketki.

Did i have to talk? I dint have to but I had none else. With a creature who was so different. So not ordinary but makin the other lives look normal. With a pledge to change, he walked indifferently.
He spoke as though he knew the ordinary life. Moments that we spoke about were moments he thought I could make. Had he known me a little better, he wouldnt have this moment be.
It was scary. My little thoughts was what he was invading and makin his way right in.

Maybe he was special. I'll miss him.

It was special. It was soon to be lost. I knew I had to watch it slip away.

Its a conspiracy. I never thought I would let in to a conspiracy. I knew it was a conspiracy. His one meeting had planned out every little thing. The words, the talks, the entire game plan to trap me. I had resented and shunned him out always. Yet. Like the perfect gentleman he perfectly ignored my perfect side and kept displaying my flaws.

So he thought that fragrance could lure me in. No it dint. It rather kept me awake all night wondering what burrberry could mean. I pretended that not talking to him dint mean anything. But it did. Everything.

I knew I had boundaries. But I also knew those boundaries had circled him in.

Daytime dreams often end in the Night.
I knew it had to end even before it started. 24hrs and no word had been exchanged. The complexity in that bond was now out. It was simple as ever. There was never anything maybe. Or maybe there was something soo strong that it had to be doused out.

I would keep it all intact dear stranger, I told myself. And given a chance again, I would try to maintain the fear that the tiger could create in a silent room.

Once again, I spoke too much.

Wonderin whether I might have just let out the secrets I never should have. Who to blame? Me who talks too much or him who spoke so less. Wierd. The eyes. Yes. Rather notty eyes. Entrapped, hypnotized, married. Caught in a revenge was I.

I wish I never had let go into the moments. I defended. A fierceless and lonely warrior, I knew that he was one. I knew I wanted him to stay and listen. I knew that maybe even he would want to be heard.

I had walked into the tiger's den. A picture that could speak a thousand stories. And thus spoke the tiger. Of stories that had walked in. One such story was me. But I knew something was wierd. Different. Infatuated. Attracted. Senseless.

I drew elephants in the den as I walked out.

But as the truth shall remain, the tiger never has a den. :)

Reflection of a song

Some days I feel like shit, I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit, I don't understand why you have to always be gone, I get along but the trips always feel so long. I find myself trying to stay by the phone, Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone, But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call, But when I pick up I don't have much to say.
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up, That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career, Me only saying "Where'd you go?"

Mistakes.

Mistakes. All of us are made up of plenty of those little grave mistakes.
I was soo busy with life all this while, that I happened to overlook those little mistakes I kept making round and about. At one instance I thought I knew the art of living it all, at the other instance I was a learner. Even worse. I had to start all over again.
A silent faith I had in myself. But was that enough? Faith?
All over and around I had sucessful people around me. What was my role now? To follow? To learn? Lead from the back?
I am disturbed. Ive moved back.

And then there were tears..

What happens when you give up power coz ur losin all your strength..?
Revolution of thoughts and life, Im giving up on what I built.

A castle of rocks, a dew filled cloud. I'm giving up on dreams.

Yes. Its me. Marilyn. I gave up then. I give up now too.

Every day its a new story.

Today I felt power was walking around as though God had conferred his strength to release humans from their woes. What was with power? Stranger.

Power looked fearless and tired. Wanting to run into the shelter of that of a stronger strength". Power knew I was stronger, but I was a no. Power tried to hide his fears. Power wanted to feel the strength. Power was alone.

I cried for Power. I narrated stories of my past to tell Power how strong I was.

But No. Power was unreal. Power is someone I wish I can forget.

Power will never be mine.

No.