It’s a story I had dreamt about.

Someone who never belonged to me.

Someone who only understood ever word.

He existed in the real life, he lived and he met me one day. He met to speak about a lifetime I had lived into. He had experienced my life much before I did. He spoke about the faith I lived in. Everything seemed just fine, but just one thing.

The striking resemblance in us was the most defeating factor. He could move me. He could conquer. He is the worst fear.

The biggest fear stood there in front of me. When you happen to meet someone so much like yourself, all you want to do is escape. The escape is what I chose…. away.. competing with him, but yet somewhere shying away from the perfectness of our helpless situation. 

Something changed. But a lot did not. Somewhere I held on to nothing although it felt amazingly complete. It wasnt a dream, but this wasnt true either. Not true to feel but true to exist. This was a virtual hold. This existed in a virtual time. I wish I could only once want to make this true. If only for a day. So true. True to feel. True to hold. I wanted this to exist. I would make this true. Something, someday will change.

Confession

There's a confession I need to make. I know of a certain someone who truly can read my mind. My every move, my every thought. He knows what I do, he sees what I dont. Somewhere he connects with me when he knows Im about to stray away. And then he magically pulls me back to where Ive always belonged. He's candid. He's shy. He's a powerful guy. He knows he can have it all. But just maybe not what should be, he can never be what I want him to be. Somewhere, he exists between my virtual needs and my distant goals. He's a confession that Ive never told.

There's a lot I felt today. Face to face with reality. Face to face with myself. What had I done to face this all. A certain divinity. I never had anything else but purity of my feelings to carry. Maybe that's why this encounter felt superbly sane.

I felt what I had felt always. I felt relief. I felt found. Life was much more than just this all. I was never meant to be a phase. I was meant to be there forever maybe that's why I felt what I felt today.

Something wasn’t right. It wasn’t an every time feeling. Maybe I knew this name. Maybe I knew this moment would come... years back. Just not a moment to deserve but every moment to live in awaited.
Every time this moment felt right, but this time the person was stronger than the moment. He came to leave.
Those were the eyes I had thought would find me years back. Words I thought would let me be. Moments where I spoke of what I could have been, had those eyes never seen me.
Every moment gets me closer to that what I deserve. A valley where I can shout. A place where I can simply be. A person who could know me.
Those were the eyes I saw me in. Reflections of a time I had lived though words. Never touched. Never known. I knew this was just the moment where I could be.
Taken soul never to be owned but to merely be loved and lived with.

I need to stop what I've started. What if I'm not the only one. My craving can be a want for me but what if I'm very easy to let go. Trusting too soon. Why. Only because of the look in his eyes. Losing too soon. Why. Only because of the faith he follows.
Stop for good I mean. Start for moments in within. I don't need presence if I want my need. I wish for him. I want for him. But what if all this is just about a moment and not for what I see a lifetime. I wish to make someone quite special for me. But will these wants make me the one of the many.

Wish I had got this moment earlier. All I need is a thought to rest my emotions on. I don’t want to make changes thereafter. Just one devotion. Just one belonging. Tired of being a vagabond. Tired of being at the doorstep. I wish this time I make it my own. My home.

Why is so difficult to be devoted, typically difficult to being the god. I wish this one time I have the capability to belong, in every single said way. I never need everything, but I only need the meaning to it.