Did i have to talk? I dint have to but I had none else. With a creature who was so different. So not ordinary but makin the other lives look normal. With a pledge to change, he walked indifferently.
He spoke as though he knew the ordinary life. Moments that we spoke about were moments he thought I could make. Had he known me a little better, he wouldnt have this moment be.
It was scary. My little thoughts was what he was invading and makin his way right in.

Maybe he was special. I'll miss him.

It was special. It was soon to be lost. I knew I had to watch it slip away.

Its a conspiracy. I never thought I would let in to a conspiracy. I knew it was a conspiracy. His one meeting had planned out every little thing. The words, the talks, the entire game plan to trap me. I had resented and shunned him out always. Yet. Like the perfect gentleman he perfectly ignored my perfect side and kept displaying my flaws.

So he thought that fragrance could lure me in. No it dint. It rather kept me awake all night wondering what burrberry could mean. I pretended that not talking to him dint mean anything. But it did. Everything.

I knew I had boundaries. But I also knew those boundaries had circled him in.

Daytime dreams often end in the Night.
I knew it had to end even before it started. 24hrs and no word had been exchanged. The complexity in that bond was now out. It was simple as ever. There was never anything maybe. Or maybe there was something soo strong that it had to be doused out.

I would keep it all intact dear stranger, I told myself. And given a chance again, I would try to maintain the fear that the tiger could create in a silent room.

Once again, I spoke too much.

Wonderin whether I might have just let out the secrets I never should have. Who to blame? Me who talks too much or him who spoke so less. Wierd. The eyes. Yes. Rather notty eyes. Entrapped, hypnotized, married. Caught in a revenge was I.

I wish I never had let go into the moments. I defended. A fierceless and lonely warrior, I knew that he was one. I knew I wanted him to stay and listen. I knew that maybe even he would want to be heard.

I had walked into the tiger's den. A picture that could speak a thousand stories. And thus spoke the tiger. Of stories that had walked in. One such story was me. But I knew something was wierd. Different. Infatuated. Attracted. Senseless.

I drew elephants in the den as I walked out.

But as the truth shall remain, the tiger never has a den. :)

Reflection of a song

Some days I feel like shit, I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit, I don't understand why you have to always be gone, I get along but the trips always feel so long. I find myself trying to stay by the phone, Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone, But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call, But when I pick up I don't have much to say.
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up, That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career, Me only saying "Where'd you go?"

Mistakes.

Mistakes. All of us are made up of plenty of those little grave mistakes.
I was soo busy with life all this while, that I happened to overlook those little mistakes I kept making round and about. At one instance I thought I knew the art of living it all, at the other instance I was a learner. Even worse. I had to start all over again.
A silent faith I had in myself. But was that enough? Faith?
All over and around I had sucessful people around me. What was my role now? To follow? To learn? Lead from the back?
I am disturbed. Ive moved back.

And then there were tears..

What happens when you give up power coz ur losin all your strength..?
Revolution of thoughts and life, Im giving up on what I built.

A castle of rocks, a dew filled cloud. I'm giving up on dreams.

Yes. Its me. Marilyn. I gave up then. I give up now too.