I was she.

What happens when you begin to dream is that you succumb into realities. Trying to make something work means somewhere you've lost what you had gathered.
I opened my eyes to a new day. A day dream I saw about 6-7 years back had happened. Finally. I was she. Only for a couple of moments maybe. But I was she. Finally I knew I atleast could make one dream happen. Maybe this was Gods way to tell, yes.. it would all fall in place and I could get all my lost time back in my hands.
I felt the same that I felt then. I was jealous then, I wanted to be her always. I wanted and I still want to be her. She seemed soo powerful on his side. He made her so. Maybe.
Moments. Feelings. Captured into my past I knew this was just the unforgettable ever past for me. I was she.

another time to remember

Something beautiful happened again. I was caught in a memory of someone i wanted to be. Years back where i wanted to be is just where i was now. I had imagined it all. And today i saw myself living it all. No. I dont want to touch it today. I want it all to stay. Like a remembrance. Like a moment that makes me beautiful and grow. Where im not misunderstood but im allowed to stay forever. Ive never wanted a name. Ive never needed the recognition of living my existence. But all i need is the moment to be heard and held. Let me stay. I shall never let myself leave. It dint happen then, i know i wont let it happen now.

Mistake

So. Yes. I had yet another mistake on me. I asked the mistake to leave and it agreed. But the alimony I had to pay was a deed for a lifetime. Trust, faith, a bagful of dreams, smiles and a few more precious times of cherish leave with the mistake. I thought, better ask it to stay. It stays and I don't lose much but my mind and myself. So what exactly is the price to pay for one mistake.

So let the mistake die its own death. Do I let a mistake die? Do I pump some more life? Revive a mistake and boast about living a mistake. Nothing seems to be right. If I had done it, it wasnt supposed to be a mistake. It was a part of me now.

Nothing seems to be a mistake. Just one. Everything.

With time, a lot of uncertainities change. You trust, you love and you are happy to live. But with time, you also stand a chance to ask one question, "What if I never make the difference".
Such is the question I asked myself, will I ever stand out to make a difference. To him, to me and to us.
The few minutes and hours we spend apart without talking suddenly make the difference. Nothing changes if we dont talk as yet. He breathes he lives.. I breathe, but I live the difference.

Something changed. Is he the change, or maybe is Me the change.

Time shall tell.

My time, my faith.

A ruler, a lover, and more so a dominant emotion. That is him. Moments have died earlier but I’ve never heard them scream. I’m sketching a new outline, and I laughed when I did. This time I’m sure.

We'll make some memories and maybe a dream or two… who knows they can come true. I won't ever forget his words; I'll know I will love him for all his worth. Someday he will say he will marry me.

I won’t hesitate no more, I know for sure. This is my fate. I belong to him.

I will wait.

To a new life, to a new love.

Somehow I knew life dint have to end where I thought it would. A beautiful soul and a fearless warrior. He held my heart and showed me the way. He was a taken soul. Never to be mine, but yet holding my hand like himself.
There was passion in his voice, there was trepidation in his eye, he was the happiest and yet so cheerless. It was wonderful talking to a man who had seen the rains, who knew what he spoke and even more, dint hesitate his failures.
It’s a wonder how the life of many revolves around what they call a dream they want to pursue. Breaking off the shackles of the normal life that the others lead, some dare to take that second chance which gives them a much stronger platform to hit back at life.
It was my first meeting with him. Made me think, that sometimes the strongest of men have a tougher yet a gentle side which is worth a million thoughts. I had come across a warrior of his times. A gentleman that he was, he explained that life doesn’t necessarily treat you right, but sometimes the right is in the wrongs that you do. With an amazing and positive approach towards life, he exampled what possibly life can have in store for those who hold the grit to face every situation in life. The most dangerous situation that perhaps one should avoid is when your heart controls the mind.

Would he ever know how much I missed looking into his eyes right now? Never.

Once again, I rewind to what I left unattended.

Why does it so happen that when we leave, it's often looked at as defeat. Years of memories, many more of loss. When I try to gather what I got when I took a step out of my world, all I could feel was hidden thoughts of negation and mistakes that were felt by people who mattered the most.

Why could not I see what I see today. Not one to stand by me to say "Yes, Now Its Your Turn." I never wanted to prove, but Ive been challenged by my own self to do so. Why did I try to own something that was never mine and perhaps that could never have been mine.

I agree I have been defeated, but I have not been captured.

I shall rise.